


A one time thing

by OfPillar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Marriage of Convenience, but only very briefly - Freeform, not to Kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-23 06:44:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17075351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfPillar/pseuds/OfPillar
Summary: “Hold on,” said Finn, forkful of salad paused in mid-air, “the topic seriously never came up between you two?”“Why would it?” Rey huffed. She crossed her arms defensively. “Isn’t that a weird thing to mention out of nowhere - ‘Just so you know, one time I almost got engaged to someone else for diplomatic purposes’?”“Someone elsewas the prince of Serenno, who’s valued at about 2 billion credits right now."She waved a dismissive hand, unconcerned. “Ben doesn’t care about that kind of stuff.”Finn frowned. “I think he was also voted sexiest male-presenting humanoid alive last year by some holomag.”It was nice, Rey thought sourly, that they were at a point in peacetime when people felt comfortable spending energy and resources responding to surveys about this sort of thing.





	A one time thing

 

Poe looked between them in alarm. “Wait, you guys have never talked about this?

 

Rey buried her face in her hands.

 

Ben was actually slack-jawed, face paler than the moons of Rishi.

 

“Ah,” Poe said.

 

“It wasn’t-” Rey groaned.

 

“Actually,” said Ben, voice climbing precipitously, “It kind of sounds like it fucking was.”

 

Through the commlink, Poe suddenly looked fascinated by something off screen. “Well, you two can, uh, sort that out on your own time. Not that you have to! Because it really wasn't a big deal. At all.” He grinned like a maniac, straight white teeth flashing in a perfect row, before sketching a wave and signing off, mumbling an excuse about needing to go foil some terrorist plot in the Unknown Regions.

 

Shit, Rey thought. Just, shit.

 

*

 

The problem with Ben's silences was that they could mean any number of things, from enthusiastic approval (in bed) to murderous intent (in battle, but also more recently, while stuck in air traffic). After an hour of prodding fruitlessly at his mental shields through the closed door of their bedroom, Rey decided to respect his obvious need for space and shuffled off to have lunch with Finn at an eatery in the hip Galactic City neighborhood of Atilon.

 

“Hold on,” said Finn, forkful of salad paused in mid-air, “the topic seriously never came up between you two?”

 

“Why would it?” Rey huffed. She crossed her arms defensively. “Isn’t that a weird thing to mention out of nowhere - ‘Just so you know, one time I almost got engaged to someone else for diplomatic purposes’?”

 

“ _Someone else_ was the prince of Serenno, who’s valued at about 2 billion credits right now. “

 

She waved a dismissive hand, unconcerned. “Ben doesn’t care about that kind of stuff.”

 

Finn frowned. “I think he was also voted sexiest male-presenting humanoid alive last year by some holomag.”

 

It was nice, Rey thought sourly, that they were at a point in peacetime when people felt comfortable spending energy and resources responding to surveys about this sort of thing.

 

“So you think I should just explain what happened and correct any misunderstandings Ben might have,” she said, getting back to the topic at hand.

 

“Sure.” Finn shrugged. “It can’t hurt, right?”

 

*

 

The apartment was pitch-black by the time Rey returned, laden down with groceries from a pop-up market she’d passed by on her way back. Sending away the service droids with a flick of her fingers, she began arranging her purchases across the brightly lit shelves of Ben’s conservator: jars of plump green jumbolives, canned sweet grenadilla preserves, vacuum-sealed packages of barabel fruit and horned melons and charbote root still green at the stem. Since the reopening of most commercial hyperspace trade routes, fresh food had become more widely available on Coruscant; still, the import tax was usually prohibitive enough that she felt a pang of guilt for spending double credits after surviving perfectly well on polystarch and veg-meat for fourteen years.

 

Ben, of course, would insist that he needed food that actually grew beneath a sun while picking out all her favorites.

 

He picked up on quite a lot of small things about her, Rey reflected as she showered quickly and changed into a soft set of night-clothes. There was the queued collection of podracing holovids that sat unwatched until they were together, as well as the color-coded calendar with blocks labeled REY HERE that marked when her breaks from teaching at the new Jedi academy overlapped with his gaps in Senate activities. Little, thoughtful gestures that spoke of familiarity and concern, attention and planning. Ben was nothing if not meticulous with her.

 

“Idiot,” Rey muttered, which was of course when an irritable voice behind her said, “Are you coming to bed yet?”

 

Whirling around, she was confronted by a bare, unreasonably sturdy expanse of chest, smooth and muscled underneath the soft orange glow of the hallway lamps. Rey forcibly dragged her gaze away from the subtle twitch of Ben’s left pectoral like some pervert to look up at the flat, unhappy line of his mouth.

 

“Hi,” she said, a little breathless. “Yes, I’m coming.”

 

His pinched expression softened as she stepped closer, morphing into something focused and intense through the sidelong glances he let slip as he led her back to the bedroom. Rey knew Ben had a _thing_ about the bedroom _._ Specifically, backing her up into its walls and furniture and massive, magic foam mattress that felt like being cradled by a deep soft cloud. If they were going to discuss anything tonight, it would have to be before he touched her with that searching, inquisitive brush of fingers that was practically a prelude to sex for them at this point.

 

“Ben,” she whispered, “about the engagement thing.”

 

He froze in the middle of peeling back the covers. Deciding that the only way out was through, Rey plowed on.

 

“The Serenno Cluster controls access to a critical source of kyber crystals in the Outer Rim, but they’ve been isolationist for centuries, since before the days of the Empire. The Resistance just happened to rescue Prince Quassar when he was kidnapped by pirates in an unmarked royal vessel.” Here, she blushed from embarrassment at the memory of what happened next. Many arguments were had between Leia, Poe, and Rey, loudly and throughout all of the _Millenium Falcon._ “Apparently His Highness thought marriage was the best way to settle the life debt. Poe wanted to jump at the chance to make an alliance, especially since it’d be mostly ceremonial and not binding under any galactic law, but talks never really went anywhere.” She chewed on her lower lip. “Sorry. It was just a weird one-time thing that happened during the war. I didn’t mean for it to become such a big deal.”

 

Ben seemed to digest this. Eventually, rigid back still facing her, he asked, “Why not say yes?”

 

Rey blinked. “Well obviously the Serenno government opposed it,” she said, thinking back. “They worked out some other deal with the Resistance about the kyber crystals, I don’t know many details.”

 

Ben’s hands fisted around dark sheets, fingers sinking deep into the mattress foam. “So some rich space prince offered to marry you, no strings attached, but you thought it might jeopardize the Resistance if you agreed?“ he clarified.

 

“Yes,” Rey said, nodding in relief. “ _Exactly._ ”

 

The bed rose as he got out of it. “Okay,” said Ben, summoning a cloak with one hand as he stalked out the door, “I’m staying in a hotel tonight.”

 

*

 

“Maybe he’s insecure,” Rose offered.

 

Rey scowled as she slammed the fuel hatch of her cloudjumper shut. “I don’t care.”

 

Rose giggled. “I remember when Finn and I had our first married fight.”

 

Rey scowled harder.

 

This short break was supposed to be a welcome respite: she’d planned to catch up with friends, have sex with Ben, laze around while listening to him grumble about politics, and concentrate on everything that was not the immediate stress of attempting to rebuild a new Jedi order that would bring balance to the Force and galaxy. Instead, Rey was still smarting from the experience of pacing around an empty apartment for two days, all because Poe opened his big mouth during their call and Ben disappeared like an insane person, probably hiding away in some tony government official suite that was being expensed to innocent taxpayers.

 

“If he asks, I’ve gone back to Ossus early,” she snapped, climbing into the cloudjumper’s cockpit. More gently, she added, “And thanks for seeing me off.”

 

They exchanged a quick hug before Rose pulled back, frowning. “But couldn’t you just tell him yourself through the -” She tapped her right temple and made a complicated, bizarre hand motion “- Force bond thing?”

 

“That’s not how the Force works,” Rey sighed for what felt like the thousandth time in several months. It was mostly true, but also less shameful than admitting that she’d tried and been rejected by a wall of stony silence. Sometimes there were perks to being the last Jedi. No one ever questioned her about these things.

 

*

 

When all was said and done, the reunification of the galaxy had gone pretty smoothly. Rey couldn’t be sure of the exact bureaucratic details, given that she’d spent three months after the final battle marinating in a bacta tank while a fleet of medical droids worked round the clock to prevent her from becoming one with the Force; still, they had a representative legislature now, with centralized executive power concentrated in a small core voting committee to appease the Empire apologists, which presumably had been the general idea Poe and Leia were going for all along. Most importantly, there had been an intense, protracted, and bloodless public debate over what to do regarding the issue of Kylo Ren. Most had agreed that both execution and exile were pointless, given that the only person realistically capable of enforcing either option refused to cooperate.

 

“And don’t even think about doing it yourself either,” Rey had hissed at Ben through the transparisteel barrier of his holding cell, shivering even then from the awful, slimy chilling effect of the Force-dampening ysalamiri cages. “If you’re willing to die for me, then you better be willing to live with me too.”

 

It wasn’t one of her finest speeches, but the embarrassment had been worth seeing Ben’s face transform from resigned cynicism to fierce, unbridled joy. “Is that a threat or a promise?” he’d purred, leaning forward on his sleeping cot.

 

“What makes you think I won’t deliver on both?” she shot back.

 

As it turned out, there were a great many people in the galaxy after the war that didn’t particularly care all that much about who you’d killed so long as you advocated for free healthcare and economic stimulus packages for the middle class. Thus, in a massive twist of cosmic irony, Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the former First Order and commander of the dreaded Knights of Ren, became Senator Benjamin Organa Solo, voting member on the Core Executive Council for the New Galactic Alliance. He spent his days debating the merits of wheat subsidies and hyperspace infrastructure funding while Holonet commentators picked apart his policies or, more and more often, quietly lusted after the forbidding figure he cut in his silver and black robes. It was amazing to watch. Leia was probably still cackling from beyond the Veil.

 

In the most uncharitable reaches of her mind, Rey sometimes wondered if she should have just let Ben follow in Luke’s footsteps and sequester himself on some unknown moon in the Outer Rim. It was selfish, because she knew that politics was in its own strange way his form of penance. Just as hers was rebuilding the Jedi training temple on Ossus, and Finn’s was helping former Stormtroopers navigate civilian life. Redemption in the abstract had been all very well and good, even encouraged, when the situation called for self-sacrificing, universe-saving dramatics. Practical redemption on the other hand - that is, the daily reality of having no more masks of false names to hide behind - meant opening himself to attack and ridicule as much as to praise and applause whenever Ben stepped up on a podium. Rey could help thwart poorly thought-out assassination attempts against his life but she didn’t know where he found the strength to live with his sins and carry them with such wisdom every day. If they were different people, perhaps it would have been enough to run off together somewhere quiet and isolated after the war, but part of her suspected that the threads of their lives would always be pulled apart by forces greater than themselves - the ever-growing connection between them woven and unwoven on its loom each night.

 

All this was to say that Ben had absolutely no right going around feeling jilted and wronged, especially when Rey was the one who had to deal with daily Holonet broadcasts where he looked terribly handsome while smooth-skinned, doe-eyed Core World interviewers stood very close and tried to touch his lapel. If she could cope with half the galaxy wanting to kill Ben and the other half wanting to sleep with him, then _he_ could deal with her receiving one measly little arranged marriage proposal from the prince of Serenno.

  


*

 

The more time Rey spent catching up on events in Ossus, the more it became apparent that visiting Coruscant had been a terrible decision all round.

 

“Weren’t you meant to be teaching them how to feel the Force?” she asked Talen.

 

The Twi’lek glowered, murderous expression undercut somewhat by the bright glittering powder that coated his lekku and shoulders. “Master, I no longer think that is wise.”

 

A deep fresh crack ran through the mosaic floor of the Ruins. In one corner of the grand atrium, Kira and Boris shriek-laughed as they splashed through a large pool of water that hadn’t been there when Rey left; in another, Aowd was floating bits of loose rubble as high as he could before letting gravity yank the stones back down with a thunderous crack. Eshak was nowhere to be found. In the midst of all this chaos, even Y’litza appeared to have given up on any semblance of productivity and was now doodling in the margins of one of the sacred Jedi texts rescued from Ahch-To while glowering at Aowd.

 

“Ah,” said Rey. “I see your point.”

 

By dinnertime, she and Talen had mostly wrangled the children back into order, with everyone expressly banned from using the Force for a week.

 

“Even if we get attacked by the Sith?” Kira and Boris chorused in wide-eyed horror.

 

“ _Especially_ if you get attacked by the Sith,” Talen threatened. “Or I shall finish the job myself.”

 

“This is tyranny,” Aowd said, mutinous.

 

On the upside, training a herd of unruly children in the ways of the Force while also being responsible for their physical and emotional upkeep meant that Rey’s mind had very little time to betray her by wandering elsewhere. Clearly, she reflected while soothing Eshak through his third homesick nighttime cry of the month, Luke had been kind of a terrible mentor. Oh, she _could_ swan around the temple reclusively in a brown sack-cloth all day while spouting mysterious platitudes, but then who would learn how to calm down Eshak and Aowd when they wrestled with the visceral pull of the Dark side, or remind Talen to visit his family more often? No amount of well-intentioned meditation would ever stamp out the core of kinetic energy that Jakku forged inside her. Dwelling, she’d decided long ago, was for people who didn’t have to scavenge for survival or hold the balance of the living Force between their mind and their fingertips.

 

“I think he’s getting worse,” Poe hissed during an encrypted call on recent security threats made against the Rylothian ambassador to Coruscant. “He keeps ending every one his Senate speeches with ‘furthermore, Serenno must be destroyed’.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous. Ben wouldn’t actually say that out loud.”

 

“Yeah, but his aides say that he’s writing it into all his scripts.”

 

“Poe, I have to go soon. If one of the Knights can’t cover Senator Syndulla at the leadership summit, I can probably leave Ossus for a couple days.” She looked out the window, where Talen was demonstrating with great patience and forbearance how not to lop off your hand while sparring with a lightsaber. “Is there anything else we should cover?”

 

“Please consider just talking to him again.”

 

Fat chance. Rey snorted. “I think talking’s what got us into this mess in the first place, don’t you think?”

 

*

 

The string of misfortunes culminated a few days later when she went to take a solitary walk around the Ruins’ perimeter after dinner, only to be stopped by a shifty-eyed, nervous-looking Aowd.

 

“I would like to start having sex,” he said without preamble.

 

Rey choked on air. “Sorry?”

 

“With Y’litza,” Aowd clarified.

 

All thought in Rey’s head promptly ground to a halt. “You want to do _what?_ ”

 

“Well it’s not like it’s forbidden for us anymore, right?” he said, mulish and a touch defensive. “I mean, you and Master Solo do it.”

 

Rey opened her mouth to blurt out that they were in fact going to resurrect that particular tenet of the old Jedi religion starting immediately if it meant never needing to have this conversation again, before she remembered her first time having sex. Real, all-the-way kind of sex - with Ben. It had been fumbling and tear-stained and ultimately perfect; however, some advance expectation-setting would have been nice.

 

“That’s correct,” she said slowly, turning the words over in her head. “I mean, uh. You’re right, it’s not forbidden anymore. Emotional attachments and intimacy are an important and natural part of healthy development.” Her students were free to come and go as they wished to see their families and friends; Rey had insisted on that from the start.

 

Relief flashed across Aowd’s face, followed immediately by intense curiosity. “So, how does it work?”

 

She felt a migraine build inside her skull. “Surely you’ve discovered holos explaining this on your own by now.”

 

Aowd rolled his eyes with the long-suffering impatience of youths everywhere tolerating adult stupidity. “Yeah. But I know most of that stuff isn’t real. I wanted to get an actual girl’s perspective on what makes...it...good for them.”

 

That was very nearly sweet, Rey thought wryly, even as she imagined ways to Force-wipe this conversation from her memory. “I thought you couldn't stand each other,” she teased. “Talen says he lost count of the number of times he's had to break up some competition you two worked yourselves into.”

 

The boy scowled. “That’s because she acts like such a _know-it-all_ sometimes.”

 

Rey smiled. “Well there you have it. You should like and trust the other person a lot before even thinking about having sex for the first time. Make sure you’re both respectful of each other’s boundaries, and treat each other gently, and communicate what you feel.”

 

Aowd wrinkled his nose, visibly rolling this advice around in his head for a while. She was about to throw in some practical extra wisdom like “Go slow” and “Use a lot of lubricant if possible” when he followed up with, “Is that how things went between you and Master Solo?”

 

Rey blinked. “What do you mean?”

 

“Like, did you do things in that exact order?”

 

“There’s not...of course there isn’t an exact order,” she sputtered, mind flying unbidden to memories of Kylo Ren - Ben’s - head bent low between her thighs the first time he made her cum, trembling fingers and tongue punching an angry orgasm from her core as the bond roared between them: frustration, fear, longing, suspicion, loneliness, betrayal, _whycan’tyoujoinmewhycan’tyoujust_ understand.  “But I mean, that’s the general philosophy you should try and follow,” she added somewhat lamely.

 

“Hm,” Aowd said, skeptical.

 

*

 

“Why don’t you just build a new lightsaber?” Finn had asked at one point. The war was going slowly; Leia had sent them to scout for proper office space in the Unknown Regions so the Resistance didn’t have to constantly operate on grassroots whispers and three repurposed equipment rooms in the _Millenium Falcon._

 

“Don’t need to.” Rey shrugged, shoving a handful of dehydrated crisps into her mouth as stars streaked past the viewport of their ship. “This one works just fine.”

 

Finn shot a dubious look at the saberstaff she’d repaired using the Skywalker crystal. “It’s _volatile_. Didn’t you hear it crackling when we escaped those pirates in Florrum?”

 

“I thought you said it looked cooler that way,” Rey said, hurt.

 

He patted her on the shoulder. It was one of the many annoying but effective leadership tactics he’d picked up from hanging out with Poe. “It does. But I’m also kind of nervous that it’s going to explode again in the middle of a fight. We could take a detour for a couple days, lay low in Jedha, find a new kyber crystal for you that works better.”

 

“I don’t want a new kyber crystal. I want a trillium capacitor that properly polarizes the twin ion energy streams so they’re more stable.”

 

Finn sighed and held up his hands. “Okay, okay. But if the shining hope of the Resistance dies in battle because her lightsaber wouldn’t turn on, that’s gonna be embarrassing to explain. Also, Kylo Ren would probably be pissed.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes.  “That's because he's petty bastard who lives for drama.”

 

“I don’t think that’s the only reason he’d be pissed,” Finn said.

 

*

 

During the war, the Force bond had been a frustrating but ultimately useful thing; once, Ben hypothesized that it was the universe’s way of pushing them to confront and empathize with one another even when they didn’t want to. Rey couldn’t argue with the results, though she hadn’t understood its propensity for flaring to life while one or both of them was in a compromising position, often when partially undressed or dripping wet from rain.

 

“You’re killing me,” Luke had muttered while covering his ears when she’d confessed this during a hideout in Dagobah.

 

Rey was unsympathetic. _He_ was already a Force ghost; she got to deal with Kylo Ren appearing shirtless and vulnerable out of nowhere while she tried to eat synthesized peas in a Resistance mess hall.

 

Privately, she and Ben had explored the limits of the connection several times. They’ve been in each other’s minds; touched every intimate, ugly, unkind thought or deeply buried shame; even lost themselves for hours on rare lazy afternoons wandering together down stray memories of no particular import: the one time she got so heat exhausted on Jakku that she thought the vast, endless sky was going to swallow her whole; his childlike glee at designing and testing a new TIE fighter maneuver. Theirs was an elemental bond that defied calculation or distance; thus, it was all the more embarrassing when the Force finally decided to connect them again like Talen throwing Kira and Boris together in a broom closet to sort out their latest sibling issues.

 

“I guess I should talk first?” said Ben. He’d appeared suddenly next to her, eating one of the barabel fruits she’d bought in Coruscant, pulling apart the tart jewel-toned flesh into precise quarters. Their legs brushed. Wherever he was, he seemed to be alone.

 

Rey set down a scroll recovered from the Ruins she’d been parsing. “That depends on if you mean any of it.”

 

“I could wonder the same thing about you.”

 

“I’m not the one who left in the middle of the night like -” She cut herself off, throat closing around a bundle of needy complaints. “Whatever. We can just wait it out if it’s going to be like this.”

 

Ben flinched. “Are you serious?” he asked, a thread of hurt creeping into his voice.

 

Rey blew out a frustrated breath. “No,” she admitted after a minute. “But you did get mad about something that happened years ago, that doesn’t even matter anymore. And then when I tried to explain things, you walked out.”

 

He hung his head. “That was wrong of me.”

 

“Also,” she added, on a roll now, “one of my students asked me how sex works.”

 

The corners of his mouth twitched. “...should I apologize for that too?”

 

“Maybe just tackle one thing at a time.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

At the very edges of awareness, she felt Ben shove something deep down. It lasted less than a fraction of a second, but the intensity of the stamped-out feeling reverberated through the bond, making Rey frown even though she felt the sincerity of his remorse.

 

“Why does it bother you really?” she asked. “You can’t possibly be jealous; you’ve been the first in everything.”

 

That made him smile a little. “Please don’t talk dirty to me right now, sweetheart.”

 

Shaking her head, Rey leaned in. “You know what I mean. How I feel. There’s no competition.”

 

His gaze jerked to hers, face slack with longing, lips slightly parted. In that moment all the choice words Rey had prepared for when they met again vanished, swept away by the simple need to get _closer_. She was debating whether to reach out first when Ben shut his eyes and said in a pained voice, “That’s the problem.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Rey, we live together when you’re not on Ossus. You buy groceries for me. Everyone knows that we’re Force bonded. The medical droids have me listed as your healthcare proxy.” He ran a hand over his face. “The only person who does not think we’re already married is _you._ ”

 

She gawped.

 

“And I don’t mind waiting, if you even want to be,” Ben added, eyes a little wild now. “I mean, you were so young when we met and I didn’t exactly _behave_ myself -”

 

“- oh, like I was running into great guys all the time on Jakku -”

 

“But then Dameron said you had the chance to be princess of a star system with someone who’s obviously never killed his dad or strapped you into an interrogation chair before talking to you for the first time, and even if that doesn’t matter to you it does to me. You’re always so practical about things,” Ben finished, rueful. “I couldn’t stand to think of you staying just because it’s easier, or because you felt...stuck.”

 

Rey couldn’t help it. She laughed.

 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” she wheezed, grinning up at his disbelieving face while wiping away tears. “Come here, please?”

 

And it must have been love, because Ben did, sweet head lowering to rest against the cradle of her shoulder and neck across lightyears, breathing warm over the flutter of her pulse point. Rey let herself thread fingers through his hair and just hold on for a while, sighing as their consciousnesses twined together. Ben’s mind, the essence of him, was still a marvel to slide into: a vast deep forest with secrets that unfurled shyly - just for her, she liked to imagine. The first time she’d ripped into his mind she had been terrified and furious, but now Rey entered with a casual knock: _hello, I’m here, I’m back_.

 

There was a neat little stream of thoughts on how to resolve the civil conflict in Kamino; thickets of ruminations about the balance of power between Core and Mid vs Outer Rim Senators; a carefully tended grove of starblossom trees where the shades of Leia, Luke, and Han rested. And in the midst of it all, a yearning for her that cut through everything else like songsteel. It stole Rey's breath away and made her want to laugh at the same time - the idea that Ben, who’d commanded an empire, who was the subject of numerous lustful daydreams across the galaxy, who was fastidiously, inescapably good to her and _understood_ , would ever worry that she’d leave when this existed between them. On rare plentiful days in Jakku, she had eaten portions until she felt sick yet continued to wish for more. To have a thing and want it still - it was the same idea, though Ben was infinitely more valuable than a pile of polystarch and veg-meat.

 

He huffed and shifted to nibble lightly along the corded muscle of her neck. “I’m flattered.”

 

“Not all of us received a childhood education in literature and poetry,” she retorted, pinching his sides. “That’s just how I feel.”

 

“You’re right. You’re right. I’m glad you devoted yourself to more useful pursuits than studying a pile of old books.” He dropped a trail of sweet, open-mouthed kisses from the corner of her mouth to her forehead that threatened to make Rey’s heart capsize. Seeking relief, she slipped underneath the layers of his mind again, searching for that emotion he hid away just after the bond flared to life. To her surprise it took a while to find and identify, curled up in hard shell underneath the base satisfaction he derived from bending her backward, one ungloved hand spanning the width of her heart.

 

It was _guilt_ , because of course Rey would find their relationship only natural, the obvious next step after awakening to the unique connection between them. Of course she would be receptive to his physical advances when they already shared each other’s deepest thoughts, fears, hopes, and futures. Everything got pared down when you staked a claim in someone’s soul like that. It would’ve been easy enough to convince herself that she wanted him that way - however many other options she could have had - when the entire Galactic Alliance was invested in the mythos of their star-crossed, empire-toppling bond. Here was the root of the root of the heart of his fear: she had loved him as a snarling creature baring its soft underbelly, as an echoing solitude, a brother-in-arms, her destined equal in the Force, but did she love him as a _man_?

 

“Oh,” Rey gasped, unable to stop the soft noise of hurt from escaping her chest. “Oh Ben, I never thought about it like that.”

 

He stiffened immediately, shoulders flying up like battlements as his whole body tried to shy away - so she gripped tighter and hauled him right back in.

 

“No, listen,” she said, pressing sincerity into every crevice and crack in the bond, willing him to understand. Maybe it _would_ have helped if she'd studied a bit of poetry and literature. Rey wanted to say something eloquent about kyber crystals, how nobody else could explain whether one was yours to choose and be chosen by. Light or Dark, duty or desire - this checkerboard existence had never made much sense without him by her side.

 

“On Jakku, I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would make sure to be what my parents needed when they came back. As if they were a lock and I just had to fold myself the right way to fit in the keyhole. It wasn’t love, more like...playacting.” Ben’s mouth twisted in unhappiness. “And then when we touched hands all those years ago, I realized how it could be different. Just two people really seeing each other. I think - I think I forgot to say this because our lives have been crazy for so long now, but you shouldn’t feel afraid to be more like you, whatever that means. You owe yourself that much at least.” She traced a calloused thumb over the hills and valleys of Ben’s clenched knuckles, looked steadily into the ageless fire of his eyes. “However you are, however you’ll be, I want you. And I believe in you.”

  


*

“Well don’t you look just peachy,” Poe said as he sidled up next to her in the ballroom.

 

Rey’s head whipped around. “I'm working,” she pointed out. To her dismay, Ben had vanished from sight by the time she turned back, taking his hunched silhouette and glittering posse of admirers along with him.

 

“I'm sure the Senator appreciates your constant vigilance,” Poe agreed. “Though I hardly think someone’s going to make an attempt on his life over the appetizers.”

 

It took several seconds for Rey to realize that he was referring to Senator Syndulla, who was indeed hovering around the long cloth-covered table laden down by delicate pastries and tiny sandwiches, speaking animatedly with a less-than-impressed member of the Hapes royal family. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Poe smirk knowingly.

 

“Oh switch off,” she said, cross. “I can multitask.”

 

He held up both hands in a pacifying gesture. “Hey, no judgement. I once almost blew a recon mission after meeting this sweet little thing by the - ahem. Anyway. It's good to see that you and Ben are...resuming diplomatic relations.”

 

“What,” said Rey, distracted as she scanned the crowd for a dark mop of hair. Most of the leadership summit attendees kept a respectful berth, skittering away at the sight of the saberstaff strapped to her waist.

 

“You know - heating up the cold war. Bumping blasters.” Poe waggled his eyebrows suggestively in a manner totally unbefitting the Grand Admiral of the Galactic Alliance's military forces. “Annexing each other’s moons.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

Instead of answering, Poe opened his mouth and then paused, eyes darting somewhere beyond her shoulder and widening. “Ah, forget about it.” Running one hand through his hair - which had been gelled and coiffed to within an inch of its life - he cleared his throat. “Just wanted to check that you guys were okay again.” A pause. “You guys _are_ okay again, right?”

 

“Ye-es,” Rey said slowly, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Why?”

 

“Oh good.” Poe clapped her on the shoulder, looking immensely relieved. “Because I think his Royal Highness is headed over here right now.”

 

*

 

Prince Quassar had indeed been handsome: gleaming, night-polished eyes, an elegant forehead that sloped into russet-gold curls, and hands so pale and smooth they seemed bathed in pearl dust. “If you don't want to marry him, I will,” Jessika Pava offered as they’d walked through the glittering royal palace of Serenno under heavy armed guard. “Genetics like that shouldn't go to waste.”

 

Kaydel elbowed her. “Get in line zoomie - I called him first. Did you know he writes _poetry_ in his spare time?”

 

Rey frowned. “Is it any good?”

 

They both shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.” Jessika sighed dreamily before leaning close and adding with a conspiratorial whisper, “He's said to be _extremely_ generous in bed as well. Even if it wasn't for the Resistance, I'd bang him in a hot parsec for those shoulders alone.”

 

“Hngh,” Kaydel agreed.

 

Personally, Rey thought Prince Quassar seemed like a wise and benevolent ruler of his people, if a bit overly gallant and hasty to jump into marriage alliances with people who just happened to rescue him from bands of hapless space pirates. She’d felt almost bad about placing the gang under arrest; at the first hum of her lightsaber igniting, they'd released the Prince and cowered in awed fear. There was none of the intensity she got from fighting Kylo - that tidal push-pull of his mind surging to meet her own as they tangled in a blur of crackling blades and shifting dominance.

 

Here and now, dressed in the splendor of a midnight blue shimmersilk cape studded with jewels that glowed underneath the lights of the ballroom, Prince Quassar bowed low and murmured in a respectful, reverent tone, “My lady.”

 

A hush fell over the nearby attendees. Rey squirmed and tried to avoid eye contact with anyone.

 

“Wow,” Poe said out loud.

 

Straightening up, Prince Quassar flashed a blinding grin that made three women and men in close proximity spill their drinks. “It’s been far too long Rey - have you been well?” he asked. The clipped, cultured Serennian accent rang out like a note struck from a copper bowl; _expensive_ had been her initial impression of the Prince after he’d snapped out of the shock of being held hostage only to propose to her on the spot. The first three times, everyone had laughed, assuming it was the adrenaline talking.

 

“Er, yes. Doing fine,” Rey replied. “And you?”

 

The prince beamed. “Much restored. Time has clearly not diminished the brilliance of your spirit, nor its inspiring strength and rejuvenating beauty.”

 

“Wow,” Poe said again.

 

“Thanks, you too,” Rey muttered, feeling itchy and uncomfortable at the whispers racing through the crowd around them. Mentally she flipped through the leadership summit’s list of names. He couldn’t have been on there; Ben would definitely-

 

“Your Royal Highness.”

Familiar fingers suddenly ghosted over the small of her back. A looming, tightly controlled presence crowded up behind her and Rey caught the unmistakable glint of light off Ben’s Executive Council brooch as he looked down at her for just a second - realization striking like a meteor and oh, she could _kill him -_ before Ben’s eyes snapped to a bemused-looking Prince Quassar. “I don’t believe we’ve met in person before,” he said cooly, shoulders rolling back as he extended a gloved hand.

 

Greater men had trembled under that punishing stare and tone of voice. With the Prince of Serenno, it seemed to divert like water off a quadduck’s back. “Yes, it was an honor to have the opportunity to attend this gathering,” he said, seizing the offered handshake and pumping it enthusiastically. “I and my people are thrilled to receive a special invitation from-”

 

“Benjamin Organa Solo,” Ben interrupted, brusque and terribly rude. “Core Executive Council, Senator of Chandrila.” A beat passed as he seemed to draw himself up to his full height. “And Prince of Alderaan.”

 

“ _Wow,_ ” Poe said.

 

Rey stamped on his foot.

 

*

 

When Senator Syndulla had been safely handed off his Rylothian guards for the night, and all the service droids powered down in their charging stations, Rey rolled over on her pillow and said with feigned casualness, “So, do you still get to keep the title if the planet no longer exists?”

 

Beside her, Ben kept his eyes closed. A little furrow appeared between his brows. She thought it made him look rather distinguished. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

“What, the technicalities of royal inheritance, or your one-sided pissing match in front of the entire leadership summit?”

 

“Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it,” he snorted.

 

That she couldn’t argue with. It _had_ been a little funny watching Ben deflate when Prince Quassar only beamed in misunderstanding and congratulated his good fortune on finding such a wise and beautiful wife, at which point Poe made a choking noise and six different news reporters dove for their cams.

 

Rey hummed, shifting so that her toes brushed down his bare leg as she wiggled closer, drawing a gratifying hiss from Ben. “You know, the Serenno System’s supposed to be a popular honeymoon destination this time of year,” she said innocently.

 

Five fingers dug into the meat of her thigh, sending a dark thrill up Rey’s spine. “Stop testing me,” he muttered. It was as much an offer as a warning.

 

A quick glance at the chronometer showed that there were still several hours before they needed to be up and about. Rey decided to egg him on: “I read that the rainforests and waterfalls are some of the most beautiful in the whole galaxy. There’s even an entire _moon_ claiming to be the ‘ultimate natural pleasure getaway’-”

 

“Maker fucking save me,” Ben growled as he flipped over and pinned her to the bed with his hips.

 

Rey laughed all her breathless, joyful glee into his mouth as the two of them fucked unhurriedly beneath the covers. Really, she reflected, nothing was more quintessentially _Ben_ than the fact that he’d invite the Prince of Serenno to a political summit on the other side of the galaxy just to scowl and touch the dip of her back in front of him for ten minutes. With a flash - just as she had all those years ago over the fire in Ahch-To - Rey saw the future rushing towards her like a great ocean. She saw it mirrored in Ben’s blown-open pupils, telescoping outwards into infinity. There were still things Rey did for herself, like teach the children or scour the Ruins for what could be repurposed, renewed. And there were things Ben needed to accomplish on his own too: the patched-together mask of Kylo Ren mounted in a transparisteel case by the laundry chute stood as a silent reminder of what could not be destroyed, only grown beyond. But she also knew with marrow-deep certainty that things would not always be this way. Rey had never told Ben that she once found a pair of wedding rings shoved away in the very back of his calligraphy desk drawer. Hunter and prey; enemy and ally; confidante and lover - she wondered what kind of equilibrium they might find next.

 

After they both teetered over the edge loudly, long past needing to worry about being heard by others, Rey flopped over on her back, boneless as a starfish. Ben got up to use the ‘fresher. There was a hiss from the faucet turning on, followed shortly by the chaste, cool drag of a towel over sex-warm skin. “Hey, new freckle,” Ben murmured nonsensically as he wiped the soft plane of her stomach clean, and Rey loved him so much her skin hurt from it.

 

An idea started to crystallize. “You know, I’m serious about visiting Serenno again sometime,” she said while stretching languidly.

 

“Still not a honeymoon location,” he grumbled. He folded the towel on the nightstand before crashing back down into bed, manfully allowing her to spoon up behind him and clutch on like a jetpack. A patch of skin peeked out from between the dark locks of hair covering his nape and she immediately placed her nose there, enveloped by a familiar bouquet of leather, metal, and ozone. Rey closed her eyes and breathed him deep into her lungs; he smelled like everything she wanted, everything she could need.

 

“Obviously,” she said, prim, “seeing as I haven’t even asked you yet.”

 

Across the bond, she felt Ben’s eyes flip wide open.

  


*

 

_So maybe this time, love doesn’t kick down the door—_

_doesn’t rattle the windows or plant weeds in the flower garden._

_Maybe you can’t smell the smoke because,_

_for once,_

_nothing is burning._

_Maybe this love is all the things_

_those loves wanted to be when they grew up._

_Maybe you spent all that time running_

_so that you’d know how to hang up your coat_

_when you were ready._

_-_ Ashe Vernon

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm on twitter! https://twitter.com/OfPillar?lang=en
> 
> Would love to know what you enjoyed/didn't enjoy/your best lemon poppyseed muffin recipe :)
> 
> Also, this is kind of irrelevant, but my headcanon is that Prince Quassar is a cross between Mr. Bingley from the 2005 Pride and Prejudice movie and Rock Lee from Naruto. If you know, you know.


End file.
